PPPP

[RFM]

The Ping Pong Pricing Protocol (PPPP)! 21st Century meet Real Estate Sales!

Why waste time trying to figure out how much to list a property for! Why worry about market conditions, house size, location, location or location? Now, based on research at the University of Bigger Commissions (UBC) you can spend absolutely no time or energy and rake in the dough.

Recommended for newly-licensed, novice or delusional ‘realtors’, the PPPP employs 21st century technology to set the listing price for any property! Just enter the number of bedrooms, bathrooms, faucets, pot lights, parking spots and the owners’ combined birthdays, calculate the square root of the combined ages of all the ‘realtors’ in the listing office and then press the button! A fancy RNG (random number generator) will use the PRICE OF TEA IN CHINA as a base root, employ a 1955-vintage BINGO ball selection device filled with numbered (NOT lettered) bingo balls and one by one, as the balls emerge, the listing price will magically appear before your eyes! Guaranteed to induce waves of eager buyers, as extra balls with the #8 have been added! Try it once and you will never go back to using comparable sales, assessments and market conditions to determine the initial listing price! New! Improved! Some conditions apply! Read disclosure below:

Disclosure: Member FDIC; Some assembly required; Wash hands before leaving; Not available in all areas; Special sneak preview; Credit same as cash; Void where prohibited; No animal testing; Please wait to be seated; Accessories sold separately; We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone; Tamperproof packaging; No exchanges or returns; Insert tab A into slot B; Not responsible for lost or stolen items; No smoking; Serve chilled; Store at room temperature; The white zone is for loading and unloading only; Batteries not included; Take with meal; Clothing optional; Contents may settle during shipping; Unleaded fuel only; Hazardous undertow; Drill baby drill; Printed with soy-based ink; EEO; 15% gratuity added to parties of 8 or more; No postage required; Tear here; Contents under pressure; SPF 30; Penalty for early withdrawal; Optional equipment extra; Tax deductible to extent allowed by law; Enter PIN #; No cash redemption value; Recyclable; Objects in mirror are closer than they appear; Shake well before opening; May not be combined with any other offer; Expires May 4, 1998; Antibacterial; Refrigerate after opening; Childproof container; Wash colors separately; Best when used by May 3, 1998; Pull to open; Don’t ask, don’t tell; Ask your dentist/doctor for details; Do not operate heavy machinery; Must be 18 or over; Carpools only; Click here to select; Price excludes manufacturer’s rebate; Keep from freezing; New & improved; Sale ends Monday; All natural, no additives; Non transferable; Call toll free 800-For-Free; Blackout periods apply; Parental discretion advised; Is this ridiculous or what? Wide right turns; Freshness guaranteed; Subject to change without notice; Do not staple check to invoice; Keep out of reach of children; All rights reserved; Satisfaction guaranteed; Unauthorized duplication prohibited; $25 charge for returned checks; Members and their families not eligible; Avoid prolonged exposure to fumes; No skateboards; Affix proper postage; Rain cancels; Need not be present to win; Carry chains; Nonstick finish; Employees only; Seat cushion acts as flotation device; This contract limits our liability - read it; Keep arms inside vehicle at all times; Press 1 for directions in English; Discontinue if rash occurs; Visit our website http:\\bullshit.com; Operators standing by; Slippery when wet; Hypoalgergenic; Make sure address appears in window; Insert card with stripe up; One size fits all; Do not leave vehicle unattended; Dry clean only; May cause drowsiness; Keep off grass; No U-turn; Good only while supply lasts; Shit Happens; Serial #X243WZo749P; $5.00 service charge for non-bank ATM transaction; Prices higher in some areas; All sales final; Unable to process transaction - try again later; Electric shock hazard; Not for resale; You have 68 new messages; Do not remove from premises; Workers above; No shoes, no shirt, no service; And a partridge in a pear tree.