Vancouver Peak

Full Version: Realtor Euphemisms: MLS Lingo Translator
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Hi all, I'd like to start a thread helping RE newbies (myself included) understand the linguistic intricacies in a typical MLS listing (especially for Vancouver). To start off:

"Handyman's Special"
looks bad, smells bad, has at least one major system that doesn’t function

seller gives the impression that he is under pressure to reach a quick deal

perhaps someone can continue on by defining "Vancouver's Special", etc.

(Feel free to help further define a phrase that someone else already defined)

"Prime Killarney"
Killarney. (is that a good thing?)

"Close to shopping"
within 4.5 km of major street.

Sorry about the mess, and the smell.

"Mortgage helper"
Owner drywalled the stairway and installed a hot plate.

"All offers presented"
All realistic offers presented.

"Cute" or "adorable"
too small to fit regular furniture

ugly but not falling over

"Below assessment"
BC assessment goofed and highballed the actual value

"Lot value only"
Lot value only

"Investor alert!"
1.You don't want to live in this shithole yourself.</p>
2.You have no idea what investing is as you're willing to accept negative cash flow.


For midgets.

Bring own Hazmat gear.

"South Facing"
Front door gets sun; Backyard a perennially moist moss factory.

"Original owners"
Patina and ingrained odours.

"Completely renovated"
Pay for lots of stuff you don't like.

"Rare opportunity"
Sellers have fantasy that property is exclusive.

"Aamazing oppertunitie"
Lazy, sloppy realtor; negotiations, closing will be hell.

"Location! Location! Location!"
Brace yourself; ask price on request only.

"Ready for your TLC"
Needy, high-maintenance, personality-disordered property.

After looking at current West Side listings...:


"best value"
over a million dollars and tiny
"very very nice"
old, ugly tear down

I am drooling. Show me the money!

"Very unique home"
Architectural nightmare

"Great Investment potential!"
Negative cashflow, but real estate always goes up

"affordable living"
Only $1.5 million

"Churchill" "Prince of Wales" etc.
Realtor thinks catchments still matter.

"Move in condition"
Not one of the following: condemned, under construction, bare lot.

"South facing"
at least one of the exterior walls faces south.

There's a terrible smell, we haven't been able to pinpoint it, but it might be the biker living under the back porch.

"Income Potential!"
You might be able to convince the biker to start paying rent!

There's a window, if the clouds part there may be shadows cast!

"Won't last!"
Either refers to the fact that this is the third time in the last year this place has been relisted as a 'new' listing, or to the condition of the building itself.

"Vancouver Special"
Straight-line depreciate the structure over 40 years.

"Vancouver Special"
Precisely as special as 65% of the rest of the houses on the block.